is it real.

i dont know what it is about you.

why do i keep running from the truth. all i ever think about is you . you got me hypnotized, so mesmerized. and i just got to know. do you ever think when your all alone. all that we can be. where this thing can go. am i crazy or falling in love. is it real or just another crush. do you catch a a breath when i look at you. are you holding back like the way i do. cause i try and try to walk away but i know this crush ain't going away.

soundtrack to my summer.

this summer was honestly the best and worst summer of my life. i lost one of the most important people in my life to cancer. as much as i tried to forget about it, everywhere i went, everything i did reminded me of him. it seems like every concert i went to theres a song about losing someone, being sick, missing someone, and cancer. there was times when i'd want to tell him about things ive done. i wanted to hear him say im proud of you, or you go to too many concerts, or get off that computer. i wanted him to be with me when i turned sixteen. there was many times i wished he could be there, and i wanted to cry. but i have the most amazing best friend who was always there for me this whole summer. even though she lives kinda far away we managed to see eachother almost every day. all the concerts we got to go, with all those memories at the shows. i can guarantee we will never forget those times. mosh pits, pit bulls, birthday wishes, big screens, pouring rain at almost every show, hanging out with bands, video shoots, dinner with the johnstones, tour buses, stalking jesse mccartney outside his hotel, and so much more. ive done so much this summer, i cant even believe its over. i had the greatest summer and i lived it up as best i can even though im hurting so bad inside. theres so many times i wanted to break down and cry, and theres been times when i wanted to tell the whole world how happy and excited i was for so many different reasons. 

i hate that summers ending. but im stoked for the rest of the year.

im flyer, im higher

so please dont shoot me down.

i havnt been this happy in such a long time.

this la la land machine.

I am confident. but i still have my moments. who said i cant wear converse with my dress. and who said that i cant be single. that i have to flirt and mingle.  tell me do you feel the way i feel. cause nothing else is real.  some say i need to be afraid of losing everything. because of where ive started and where ive made my name. cause everythings the same. well im not going to change. well everything is the same. in this la la land machine. 

i wont change anything of my life.

cause im staying myself tonight. 

its true.

you'll always miss a best friend.

you cant forget what they did to you.

but theres always that part of you that wants to give them another chance

tell me something i dont know.

these two girls never fail to put a smile on my face. i love my little cousins so much. i think the time we spend together is so much better because they live so far away and i see them every few weeks. there like the little sisters i never had. and there just amazing. "is ben hott?" "well sometimes but he's hotter in the sun" hahaha. the things the say just make me smile. thinking about all the memories. especially when they order me a book from their book orders just because it says the jonas brothers. and get super excited when they show me. i hate that they live so far. but everytime they come down its that much more special. 

 the past few months has made me value family so much more. somedays id rather go out and spend a day with my family then go out with my friends. they can be so embarassing at times. but you dont realize what you got till its gone.  i miss my gedo so much, but in a way it has made me understand the value of family and i think our whole family has realized that.  i love spending time with them now and im not afraid to admit that. these past few months has made me such a stronger person.  i miss the old times, and i look forward to the new times. my cousins are down for a few days and im so excited to see what kind of crazy adventures i get into. 

i think ive finally settled down to a place where im okay with everything. ive got my family, my best friends, and my favourite bands to keep my sane. and i wouldnt change that for the world.

thanks

for everything. all the good times. all the times you made me laugh. all the times when i could turn to you when i was down.  its different now. i dont know why i ever tried. why i put up with everything for as long as i did. your put in the past now. and ive moved on. i can only give so many second chances, and this girls been pushed around way to many times.

"its friends forever. thats what we used to say.

now everything is flying away.

i just wish that everything was the same.

now all the memories are floating away."

why?

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

i dont understand you.

lead singers do it better.

i actually miss you. terribly. 

lets get married.

k thanks.

canada eh?

i official love road trips. were basically in the middle of no where. Batavia, someone in new york. with like no civilization. a hotel. with a farm right across the street. and its basically the greatest hotel ever. signs that say "with a baa baa here" and a picture of a lamb. it pretty much owns. i can almost can gaurentee the jonas arent here. but its so nice. haha. took us like 4 hours to get here. cause of the stupid border. that was an adventure. thank god for my macbook. and wireless internet service. im surprised they have it out here. there is like one goodlooking guy here. i felt like a complete out sider in the store today. we went jonas shopping. we came out with 15 magazines - all jonas style. packages of breakfast breaks with no intention of eating them. and almost wasnt able to buy them because were canadian eh? we havent turned off the disney channel. i wish we got it in canada. family sucks compared to this. im pretty stoked for tomorrow. were heading into to six flags. going on rides. hoping to run into some jonas. perferably joe. thanks. and then rock out to the jonas at night. my shirt does say 'joe your triceps look huge' .

this is a great trip so far and its only day one.

well, i love you haha

my best friend. emily. for having the most amazing luck. i dont understand how the two of us get so lucky at times. but here emily had the best luck of all. and won passes to private performance by hedley. we spent our week listening to the radio till about 2 in the morning every week trying to call. stopped my birthday party so everyone could whip out their phones and call. that was bascically all pointless. we lost. caller 2,5,7,9,12,13,15,17,18,19,22,23. pretty much every caller. but caller 25. seriously. then we basically gave up. lost hope. emily checks her email and WE WON. what are the odds. so many more people entered online, then the radio. oh my god. so tomorrow. emily and i will make our way into the big city - it seems like a once a week thing we do. and we'll expierence emilys wonderful prize .

i love her and hedley. =]

lol lets just hope my pink eye is gone. or ill make myself an eye patch, ahhahahahhaa

numbers.

1. You are my best friend. and im so glad our boys brought us together ;]

2. You're like my sister, we used to fight so bad, but your my best friend. i love youu!

3. You are the most annoying person I have ever met. and you shouldnt be doing what you do.

4. we can go months without talking, but when we hang out its just like old times. you can always make me laugh.

5. i really should stop liking you. your bad news. and i know it.

6. i hate you and everything you put me through.

7. i will always like you. no questions asked. seriously. i miss you.

8. i really really miss you. you can come back any time. 

9. as good as a friend you are, you really annoy me.

10. i miss the old you.  

11. drama follows you EVERYWHERE.

12. you are so cute. 

13. im really really glad i got over you.

14. your like my best friend. and i love you ! 

15. you annoy me so much. and your stupid gossip

16. im really glad were friends again. 

17. i will marry you ;] 

18. you make me laugh so much. i hope we never get in a fight like that again. ahha .

19. stop playing stupid. its not cute.

20. i just dont know

eh?

You know you are from Ontario when:

-When trying to tell people where you are from, you just say hey I am this far away from Toronto, and suddenly everyone gets it.

-You know Ontario is the centre of the universe

-You can't remember the last time you heard French.

-Despite 9+ years of French, you know more Punjabi, Bengali, Hindi or Chinese.

-You don't see a white cab driver.

- Any city with less than a few hundred thousand is considered hick.

- You know that the Leafs suck, but you refuse to let anyone else know. Besides, they may just win the Cup this year, its only been 39 years.

-Or you hate the Leafs entirely, and cheer on the Senators. An apparently much better team.

- What the hell is this football stuff?

- You haven't been to any of the other provinces, except for Quebec (drinking age), because well whats the point? You might as well go to the States.

-We know 401 isn't a tax form

-We know there is a difference between QEW, Gardiner and 403. Though technically are the same road

- You think people from Alberta are whiny rednecks, who don't know how to share (Unless you are Maggie's boyfriend).

- You know you're from Ontario when people think that Toronto is the nations capital and you can correct them because you live here and know better.

- Or you know you're from Ontario when everyone else is Canada hates you just because...they have no better reason.

- If you are not from Toronto, you try your hardest to "prove" that you are better than them. But try as you may, you are one of them.

"Vacation" means going to Barrie for the weekend.

You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You use a down comforter in the summer.

You think of the major food groups as deer meat, fish, and berries.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Canadian Tire store at any given time.

Your provincial capital calls in the army to help clean up after a snow storm.

Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump

You're in the only province with hard-core American-style crime

MuchMusic's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a dollar

Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house

You know there's no such thing as an Ontario Seperatist

Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition

Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it's a cool city

Have a new/better hint if someone is from this province? Send it in at the bottom of this page.

You have enough French vocabulary to get by some of the day in Ottawa without them thinking that you're a completly incapable American.

You find -40C a little chilly.

You voted Liberal in the last election.

You understand the Labatt's Blue commercials.

You know you are from ontario when a 45 minute drive can mean the diference between an inch and a metre of snow (i.e. toronto to barrie)