does 'it' even really matter.

does anything matter at all? i cant cry. that shows theres weekness in my eyes. i want to be strong. so lucky. so strong. so proud. im going to take the high road. i havent done that in the last 4 years. so why not start now. 'hate is such a weak emotion. anger  is such a motivating emotion. try not to let your hate motivate and dont let your anger instigate, but let it insight change'. - jwh. thats what im going to do. 'yes the element is hot. even on the third time trying'. 

its going to be hard. different. awkward. but thats the hard way. thinking about my gedo, i know he would be strong. he is the definition of strength. if he can make it up to his most favourite place on earth six hours from home. and manage to dip his feet in the lake. even though he couldnt eat, drink, barely speak. and couldnt move without help. i know he could do anything, and that makes me want to do anything. i can. and will handle every situation, and the high road. ill try to be strong. 'no more running. no more hiding. only standing and sliding. with myself, and no one who cant handle what im made of. love it or hate me, you cant mistake me'.

im finally happy with my life. so im not going to let anyone or anything bring me down.

"i could never live life easy. 

i could never just slow down.

and as long as i keep moving. im falling.

but it feels so good to get up off the ground.

and if i'm the same when im older.

i wont be just a face in the crowd.

im only as crazy as you all make me.

and that doesnt make me wrong

love it or hate me, you can mistake me

and that doesnt make me wrong

i could never live like its over

when running in circles is allowed.

cause it takes so much to keep me from falling

but id rather be a risk then on the ground

and if im the same when im older

i wont be just a face in the crowd."

the sweet, isnt the sweet, without the sour.

i am. so lucky. so strong. so proud.