new years

yes, i know i said i stopped blogging. this will be my last one. i have been blessed with the most amazing year of my life, and in honor new years i would like to take the time to thank and remember every moment. and by every moment, i mean every moment. so sit back. relax. and read.

january 1st; new years, it wasnt the most thrilling day, but it brought in an amazing year.

january 3rd; a day that started a new me.

january 24th; the most amazing day of my entire life. never in a million years did i think hedley would have us partying in their vip lounge in montreal at a bar. just everything that entire night was perfect. free drinks, dancing, french band boys, sour candy, cheers, photographers, inside jokes, goodnight kisses. just an amazing amazing day. partying till 4am. id do it again.

january 25th; coming home, reminisce on memories.

february 3rd; that phone call.

march 3rd; seeing david archuleta in some random town in new york. him touching my hand. getting his set list and water bottle. i was in love.

march 5th; we the kings concert. one word ; devin. i love band boys. "shes my girlfriend"

march 13th; seeing the latency for the first time. little did i know what would come of this.

march 29th; maid of the mist audition. didnt get it. but that never stops me.

april 9th; i did a presentation on tender wishes in a charity speaking contest to raise 5000$ for the charity. never have i felt i did such a good thing for somebody else. we didnt win, but we let hundreds of people know about this charity. and our video was killer. everyone cried.

april 16th; oh dear. that mall trip. like so random. band boys. you kill me. ha.

april 22nd; all american rejects. insane. for real. i realized im a lot stronger then i actually am. and i need to keep my mouth shut, because i almost got in a fist fight. not gonna lie, i was scared. this woman had to pull us apart. im small, but dont under estimate me. never hit my friend first, i will attack. but regardless. i got tysons guitar pick, and i loved life that night.

may 5th; fall out boy. cobra starship. all time low. hey monday. metro station. best line up ever?

may 8th; DANE EFFING COOK. i never laughed so hard in my entire life.

may 19th; wonderland. i did the sky fly. i was so stoked on life.

may 22nd; a night filled with douchebag band boys. whatever. i have them whipped now. ;)

may 24th; i saw annie the musical. my childhood memories came to life.

may 29th; hey french band boys, i love ya ;) - new cities.

june 3rd; white tie affair, the veronicas, ting tings, 3oh!3, kevin rudolf. i LOVED my life. the veronicas are my entire life. i was dying.

june 12th; i was a hobo today. i slept on the streets of toronto for 16 hours. for mmva wristbands. a night ill never forget.

june 13th; coming home from wristbands after 16 hours on the street.

june 14th; i participated in a walk for diabetes. i was proud of myself.

june 20th; sleeping overnight for the mmvas. once again. this time its the actual show.

june 21st;MMVAS 2009. best.night.ever. onstage. backstage. but never upstaged. i will never ever ever ever forget this years mmvas. ever.

june 22nd; my brother graduated grade 8. hes all grown up.

june 26th; headed down to pennsylvania. another amazing road trip.

june 27th; I.MET.DAVID.ARCHULETA. OH.MY.GOD.

june 28th; coming home from pennsylvania. i was in shock. (still am to this day)

june 29th; the latency. a start of something i will never forget.

june 30th; the latency. 13 bags of dick anyone? another perfect night.

july 3rd; the latency. fair. words cant describe this night. just. everything fell into place.

july 5th; my cousin came home from scotland. i was stoked. :)

july 10th; WARPED TOUR. enough said. band boys kill me. i love music.

july 12th; drove 6 hours to be there for when a bench was put in place at our camping site in honor of my gedo. i miss you.

july 15th; i met my idols. the veronicas.

july 18th; my dad got married. something that ill never forget.

july 19th - 27th; disney world. the trip that changed me. never would i think id get on stage and sing in front of thousands of people. sign autographs. and just let alone make top 3. ive never been so happy in my life.

august 1st; a happy happy happy happy day.

august 2nd; i saw taylor swift in concert. i cried. i laughed. i screamed. i was in love.

august 8th; BIRTHDAY. niagara falls with the girls.

august 14th; american idol. never did i think i would be singing with matt giraud infront of everyone. nope. never.

august 15th; probably the best concert ive been to. hi new friends. officially. watergun fights. watching screamo bands. walks around the park. backstage. chilling behind merch booths. sing alongs. stealing of relationships ;) . just all around an amazing night. good bands. good band boys. good friends. good night.

august 21st; rocking toronto with the rockstar.

august 22nd; "a beautiful girl walking next to me" sums up my night. oh wait. "well...im doing nothing...and your doing nothing...did you wanna go for coffee" that sums up my night as well. i legit fell in love tonight.

august 25th; emily ooooooo. idiot. dance parties on mod.

august 27th; latency. oh dear. just oh dear. HA.

august 30th; amazing race, jonas style. just an incredible day. i met joe jonas. emily and i have the best sneaking skills ever.

september 4th; latency at mod. emily and i OWNED this entire mod. legit.

september 13th; stereos in cambridge. backstage. yeesssir. good day.

september 18th; i got to stand in the middle of a legit football field in the stadium. chill on the tsn camera crew truck. watch drunk people make fools of themselves. i love the cfl. only for that night though.

september 19th; the filming of our my date with video. we worked so hard.

september 24th; i found out i was top 4. in the middle of school. i screamed so loud. the whole school knew by the end of the day.

september 25th; much music came and shot for my date with. we lost. but the response and support emily and i had was unbelievable. thank you to everyone that was behind us.

october 4th; emily and i did a phone interview for the paper. and i saw the new cities and trench. josh= biggest douche. and new cities. well lets just say, yes david you did make me dance tonight;)

october 5th; jakeyyy at mod. oh wow.

october 6th; best new cities show ever. yes. yes. yes. i cant really go into details. but yeah. it was a very good night.

october 10th; thanksgiving with the fam jam. a much needed vacay.

october 19th; i woke up to a new follower on twitter and a private message from a band boy i was kind of a dick to. oops? its okay joshhyyy. i still love you. this continued for a while. see you next time you are in town;)

october 24th; stereos. really good. zombie walk.thriller dance. even better.

october 31st; i love halloween.

november 2nd; you asked for my number. holy moly. making my way to the bands in the states.HA

november 6th; i had my much music audition. and my date with aired:( it was cool though, not gonna lie.

november 10th; canT keEp A SecrEt.

november 12th; visited my future school. fingers crossed. gah.

november 13th; i went to mod with the best friend. and i fell in love with bronson and kellan. then we booked it to stereos. which was a goooood time.

november 15th; gabey baby made me go bad. devin is my boyfriend. and martin is a sex god. i.love.band.boys. that is all.

november 16th; private boys like girls show. martin got me love drunk. "i know who martins going home with tonight;)". if it wasnt for the bus driver, ohhh man HAHA. but seriously. i love you martin.

november 17th; the show must go.

november 19th; so i saw my boys. met them without paying 200$ obviously. actually met them for free. i cant even explain. but just. gah. good night.

november 20th; last minute adventure. wheres fluffy? oh wait. wheres hedley? we won. like legit. won. first ones there. the prize = fantastic. chilled all night. so many inside jokes. so intimate. just perfect. i loved all the talks about the montreal after party. omg. hahaha.

november 24th; stereos video shoot. this was great. im pats redbull. and pat and i sang alot. together. yay.

december 3rd; shoot for muchnews; top celebrity shockers. it was an incredible expierence. and so many good things happened. this isnt the last you'll see of us . just saying ;). gah.

december 5th; took a trip to aurora with the rockstars, and saw the boys. again.

december 7th; thank you tommy.

december 15th; and hes back, and so are the feelings. not good.

december 16th; i learned a lot of french tonight. and im "hardcore". with the band. of course.

december 17th; after parties win at life. "were lining up a shot for every friend we've got" - describes the entire night. basically. i will never ever forget this night. my god.

december 19th; i got the digits. awwww yeah. texting all night. hotel rooms. lobby calls. i love band boys so much.

december 24th; christmas with my dad. I GOT MY BAM MARGERA SKATEBOARD. ilovemylife. the show emily and i were on with much music was aired today. pure awesomeness.

december 25th; christmas. a perfect day. complete with texts that i didnt except to recieve. NEW YEARS LETS COME FASTER.

december 26th; more family time. i love family time.

december 27th; a day i needed so much. fml. dont leave. please. im falling so hard.

december 31st; UNREAL. legit. UNREAL. the best new years of my entire life. 3 hotel parties. my favourite bands. partying till 8 in the morning. UNREAL. i cant believe it.

oh 2009, what a year you have a been. making stronger friendships with my best friend. becomming closer with my family, and becoming with friends with people i never thought i could say i was friends with them. looking back on this year i realize i am one of the luckiest girls alive. maybe you dont think so, but for me personally i believe i am truly blessed with a fantastic life, and this year proved it for me. yeah, there was some tough times but with the great family and friends i have, ive realized i can do just about anything. ive done things with people i never thought we happen. some i cant talk about on here in detail. but i mean, really. did i ever think id get to do this. no. years ago when i was 12/13 years old and i was meeting my favourite bands for the first times ; faber drive and hedley. i was so little, and just hoped maybe one day they'll recognize me at a show. now i look at what ive done this year. and its so mind boggling. not only do they recognize me. its something i couldnt explain. everything is just so legit now. i come back home from a concert with more then a "omgz he hugged me" its just pure awesomenss and i know ill never forget this year for concert reasons. its band boys after band boys after band boys. so many bands, so many boys, so many concerts, so many memories, so many things many people wouldn't believe. it started off partying with my favourite band, and ended partying with my other favourite band. honestly, this year was more then i could ever ask for. i'm serious when i say this has been the best year of my life, and i know the rest of my life is just getting started. bring it on 2010. im ready for you .

its time to say goodbye.

im done with blogging. for real.

sometimes i think i say too much.

about my life, expierences, and problems.

not that its a bad thing, i mean it helps get stuff out.

but i think its time now, that i keep things a mystery.

i dont know why, but things are more exciting for me that way.

obviously before, i didn't say absolutely everything about my life, where ive been, what ive done, concert stuff. for like obvious reasons.

but now im just going to keep everyone guessing.

its fun that way.

and blogging for me, will continue.

only in my journal.

where they know e v e r y t h i n g .

so goodbye:)

this is my life.

this is wrong but i cant help but feel like there aint nothing more right.

misty morning comes again and i cant help but wish i could see your face

and i knew from the first note played

i'd be breaking all my rules to see you

you smile that beautiful smile

and all the girls in the front row scream your name

so dim that spotlight

tell me things like i cant take my eyes off of you

im no one special

just another wide eyed girl

whose desperately in love with you

give me a photograph to hang on my wall.

superstar

morning loneliness comes around when im not dreaming about you

when my world wakes up today you'll be in another town

and i knew when i saw your face

id be counting down the ways to see you

and you smile that beautiful smile

and all the girls in the front row scream your name

so dim that spotlight

tell me things like i cant take my eyes off of you

im no on special

just another wide eyed girl

whose desperately in love with you

give me a photograph to hang on my wall

superstar

you played in bars, you play guitar

and im invisible and everyone knows who you are

and you'll never see you sing me to sleep

every night from the radio

so dim that spotlight

tell me things like i cant take my eyes off of you

im no one special

just another wide eyed girl

whose desperately in love with you

give me a photograph to hang on my wall

superstar.

sweet, sweet, superstar

honestly

if i could ask you for one thing, it would be this.

please. for the love of god. please.

just one would be nice.

make it this one.

david archuleta

“I made the decision to start running again in the mornings, and the hardest part was to get it started. It was hard to motivate myself out of bed in the mornings. … Sometimes I just had to fight with myself to just get up and get ready, but I told myself, DAVID, you said that you’re going to exercise, and you’d better get out of bed or else you will have LIED to yourself, and you know what lying to yourself leads to; it leads to saying that you’ll do things, and… it’ll lead to saying that you’ll do things for other people and then failing and falling through with what you were supposed - what you said you were gonna do. And I don’t like that, so, lying to other people… no. And I was like, David, your reputation is on the line here. You know, if you start now… little things grow into bigger things, and I don’t want that happening.”

they love us

"but you can tell emily though, cause i know you guys are lovers and everything"

i love getting secret information. all i can say, is that im going to die in december. "arent you going to get sick of me;)?" "never!". 3 times, in 4 days.

best, news, ever.

"i am stunned with your life"

- my mom to me.

we can't fail if we can fix

i make mistakes. i have regrets. i hate being alone. im usually late. i hate school. i never call anyone back. i dont like being wrong. im a huge procrastinator. i act like im alot tougher then i am. i hate being ignored. i cry. i get annoyed by people too easily. i have enemies. i have horrible balance. i cant dance. i laugh really obnoxiously. i cant trust anyone with my life. many thing just seem to get to me. im not perfect. but the beauty of it is that i d o n ' t c a r e.

this needs to be quoted

"things are moving at a different place lately. less frantic. the walls aren't caving in. over the past few weeks i've experienced something i'd never before. moments of an afternoon are made to seem as they were carefully edited clips comprising the trailer to a half-decent movie. complete with perfectly timed theme music.

-- do you ever have those moments where what you're doing makes complete sense because of the song that's playing? or what you're doing all of a sudden becomes one of the most important moments in your life, timed perfectly to the right sound? --

bad things happen in good movies.

good movies can also end poorly. so not to say there isn't shit on some sidewalk somewhere. not to say you don't need to keep your battle stations manned. keep your edge, however you can. keep it sharp and keep it close.

enough about you. what about me? where do i find MY peace? try reading more than one book. (books ABOUT that one book, DO NOT COUNT as other books.) i don't need to dwell on whether there is a hell. i'm sure i've got plenty more positive things to think about. but peace. peace is always hard to find. no matter how grand your imagination is.

where can anybody really find it these days? shit is fucked. people are trying to find something safe in their lives to turn to and are presented with pockets full of pills and plasma screens. told to believe AOLTIMEWARNERAPPLESONYCNNJESUSPILSNER has the key to your happiness. for a nominal fucking fee.

i found some peace. here and there. what good is moderation if you don't have anything great to tempt you? i can't believe how much work there is to do. always. it often keeps me up at night. i sleep great though. it took a while. but i can sleep again.

everything that happens in your life, becomes who you are. you can't be happy with who you are until you can accept everything you've been through for what it is - your complexion. fuck yeah we did it. with all of our hearts. but you can't help but live like you're never going to die. somehow the middle makes itself clear. lucidity isn't always a cure. and sedation is almost never the right medication. but somewhere in the middle, somewhere i don't really care to pinnpointatthispoint, there is a healthy balance.

one foot in front of the others."

here we go again.

honestly, i really need to stop getting so attached to these band members.

it means nothing. it is what it is. at the moment.

thats it.

i keep telling myself that, but whatever.

it still feels good because it was me that was not chosen, but caught his eye . haha

miles to go.

last night someone told me i should write a book.

not just any book, but a memory book on stories that have happened to me.

not random stories, my concert stories.

they told me that honestly its pretty unbelievable with you sometimes.

and it would make a really good memoir.

now ive decided im going to.

in full on detail of everything i can possibly remember.

but just for me.

so when im older i will look back and be like whoa, that was a pretty fantastic expierence.

stuuuupid

shouldnt i be more mad at him? for basically being the biggest douche bag ever.

instead im furious with her? for basically being the biggest whore ever.

relationships, friendships, highschool. is so unbelievable complicated.

but whatever. i guess its easier to take it out on her.

because well shes right there and everything.

and my friends have my back, and dislike her too.

because why, she's gotten away with everything for too long.

and finallllyyyy shes pushed us all to the edge.

lets go jonas brother.

warning:thiswillbefilledwithalotofhate

but ill sum it up quite nicely.

first things first. we werent even really good friends. but we had a friendship. you invite yourself over to my house. sneak on my msn. steal the guys msn you knew i liked. a bam you turned on your charm. not really charm. just basically a sex show.

secondly. then we openly didnt like eachother. everyone knew it. you tried to make me jealous all the time with your stories with him. telling other people. who would tell me. but as of then. you didnt have in person stories. it was all talk.

then. you got fired from a disney movie. yeah props to you that you had a role in a major disney movie. but to get fired. thats just jokes. who demands a bigger dressing room then the 3 biggest guys in hollywood. honestly.

so then, i think you two are done. finished. actually didnt even think you started. but then i find out after he left my house one night. you called him. cause you found out. and then you slept together. talk about pissed off.

yeah, we werent the best of friends. but theres a girl rule. and you need to learn how to follow the rules. thank god i have good friends at my school that have my back at this school, especially when you go and slam a door in my face.

two words; thank you.

honestly, i know it really sucks that we lost.

especially on national television.

because we worked so hard and we know we deserve it.

and so many more people know it too.

thank you so much to everyone that has been so nice and supportive to emily and i.

it means more then you'll ever know.

we were so scared that everyone wouldn't care we lost and people would just laugh.

but everyones in shock and completely on our side.

it makes losing so much easier knowing that across canada so many people support us.

even people we dont know.

my friend count goes up everyday lol.

but seriously. top 4 in canada is pretty damn amazing.

even though we lost, we know in our hearts we deserved.

im still just trying to figure out how we lost. 

i guess much music is just stupid.

but seriously,

thank you so much everyone. 

foxtrot. uniform. charlie. kilo.

ive seen so much more then you know now.

so dont tell me to shut my eyes. 

say hello to the girl that i am,

you're going to to have to see out of my perspective.

i need to make my own mistakes. 

just to learn, who i am.

i know i may come off quiet, i may come off shy. 

clearly, im not. 

gone are the days of summer.

my summer has been the best thing i could ever ask for in a million years. you wouldnt even believe it.

highlights. 

june 26th; we started our road trip to philadelphia. so many amazing laughs and memories that whole way down. 

june 27th; the day i had been waiting for. i met david archuleta. i dont think you understand the amount of excitement i had in me, and still do. words cant explain the happiness and how much it meant to me. 

june 29th; the latency at much on demand, the start of some great memories. leah even talked about shirts on tv. yeah. that was a good day.

june 30th; the latency at the casbah. the hours of conversation, the ten people there. sitting on the stage watching the set. and the endless laughs with the guys about 13 bags of dick. and free merchandise from mathew. things just kept getting better.

july 3rd; the latency at the fair. you know. this day was just fantastic. moving from fan status so fast. riding rides with the guys. almost becoming their backup dancers, hookers, and tech guys in one night. amazing night.

july 10th; warped tour. no words can describe this day. cute band boys make my life. thats all im saying. 

july 15th; meeting my role models since i was 13. the veronicas. unbelievable.

july 18th; a hard day, but we did it. it made me stronger, and my best friend helped me through so much.

july 19th-27th; disney world, and the start of my dreams coming true. singing on stage infront of 1000 people, signing autographs. incredible.

august 1st; a really really happy night.

august 2nd; seeing taylor swift in concert, and it meant more to me then you will ever know.

august 8th; my birthday. enough said.

august 14th; american idol day. singing with matt infront of all the fans acapella outside. just unbelievable. and adam lambert. sex god. and a douche.

august 15th; words couldnt even begin to describe this day. ive missed faber drive so much. the new members are awesome, even though i already knew one and fabers like wtf.  but thats okay, its our little secret ;) and the latency guys. hanging out with them, watergun fights, merch tables, screamo bands, and walks around the park. there the best group of guys ever.

august 21st; rocking toronto with the rockstar. yeahyeah!

august 22nd; well. just so happened to be one of the most eventful nights of august. oh bl. your just incredible. "well...im doing nothing...and your doing nothing..." gahh. no words really.

august 25th; much music dance parties. nothing else really. oh yeah emily osments rude.

august 27th; a day filled with douche bags and cute rockstars. and making friends with shiloh. she loves emily and i. thats all.

august 30th; amazing race jonas style. i dont really know how to sum up this day except that joes hand and my hand made babies. and we talked. and he gave me eye contact.

september 4th; i met jonna and pat from the real world. i realized that i have no shy bone left in my body.and emily and i rocked MOD, and the vjs and floor directors noticed. im also going to miss these 4 boys now :( until next tour.

honestly this summer was the best summer of my entire life. i couldnt of asked for anything better. it started off with something amazing and ended with something amazing. this summer has made me realize how lucky i am. and i came out of my shell so much. if you asked me last year if i would get up and dance by myself to the jonas brothers on national television. my answer would probably be no. never in a million years did i think id be able to sing onstage infront of over 1000+ people, and let alone to an American Idol. i never really thought i would be able to be a 'vj' for a few minutes almost everytime im on MOD with my best friend and not be nervous. but i did, not nervous at all. it felt natural. basically ive made so many new friends, met so many amazing 'celebrities' i never thought id meet, learned that liking rockstars is never a good thing except for the time their in town , got even closer to my best friend, finally started making my dreams come true, and so much more i couldnt even imagine.

summer is finished, my life is just getting started.

baaaaaaaaah

why am i falling for you.

ajsdlfjadsfl;dfa.

jesus. this is just going to be bad news.

or maybe not.

"well im doing nothing....and your doing nothing....sooo"

i hate that your famous.

its so hard to believe

its honestly something you wish for hours would happen.

asjldsfjlsdjfs;fjsa;fja

i love this more then anything. 

im heels over head

this is just getting baaaaaaad.

this cant happen.

but i want it to so badly.

ps, he knows the truth, and thats a big step for me.

ha. 

i just hope he doesnt blow my cover for his friend ;) 

this is really bad.

i think im really falling for his smile.

get butterflies when he says my name.

i shouldnt be doing this. but i cant help myself.

whyd you have to be so cute. its impossible to ignore you.

i need to get myself away from boys in bands. now. but it wont work. 

so so sick of it.

honestly, we ALL knew they used you.

honestly, they all think your pathetic.

honestly, we secretly think you're doing this to try and sleep with them.

honestly, please change your sweater.

honestly, there much better guys then you will ever be.

honestly, be your own person, its so much nicer.

honestly, stop copying band boys hairstyles. it doesnt look good on you.

honestly, your the most pathetic loser ive ever met.

honestly, the band you LOOOOOOVE now is doing the same thing as the old one.

honestly, if i see your face at your ex's show ill flip. especially if your in front of me.

thats all.

2 WEEKS TILL A SHOW DOWN ;) 

fearless.

disney really is the place where dreams come true.

i dont even have words to describe things right now.

all it is, is smiles, smiles and more smiles.

the best part is i got to share the moment with my entire family.

being onstage infront of 1000+ people.

singing and doing what i love infront of everyone.

hearing what disney casting directors, producers and talent scouts have to say about me.

basically finally doing what i always dreamed of doing.

making a little girl smile so big when i signed her autograph book saying 'to maria. you rock. love brianne mcconnell'

honestly, now i understand how come people love being on stage now.

its the best feeling in the world you could possibly have.

and this is only the beginning. you havnt seen the last of me yet.

i am fearless.

i still cannot believe this

sometimes when i sit and think. and really think about how lucky i get at times. i cannot even begin to think of where to start explaining how im feeling about it. after last night meeting the veronicas. ive realized how fortunate ive been to be able to meet so many of my idols. yes i have a bunch, but theyve inspired me in so many different ways.

david archuleta;

i dont think you realize how much he has helped me over the past year. i know it seems so cliche to say this. but everytime i was feeling sad and angry about what happened. i knew that at any moment i could look a picture, listen to his songs, watch a video of him just being david and i would smile. he would make me happy constantly. watching him start off on american idol from the auditions to him now touring with demi lovato. i cannot even believe to begin to explain how it feels to of met him. its unbelievable. looking at the picture of us with him. its incredible. 

hedley;

oh boys. you are the main reason i got hooked on concerts. well sort of.  you had a big part of it anyways. i remember being like 13 years old and watching jake step out on canadian idol. and i would sit on the phone for the full two hours you were allowed and vote continously for him. he was my idol. i remember how much of a big deal he was to me. and then getting into hedley. and then watching it emerge to Hedley, saying goodbye to the old guys and saying hello to the new guys. and now 43 hedley concerts later, and looking back on everything ive been able to do with them and the friends i made. its unreal. i owe so much to them.

jesse mccartney;

meeting jesse. was something ill never forget. one of my many idols growing up. since the good ole dream street days. the reason i still i have that bit of fan girl in me. i owe it all to jesse. sitting on my bedroom floor for hours cutting out every big or tiny picture of him and plastoring it on my wall in a huge wall collage. or hanging the shirt i wore when i hugged him for 2 years. i have it safely in a box now. i cant throw that out. so meeting jesse was so amazing. now hes kind of turned into a douche. and i cried over it too. it really hurt watching him walk by 10 girls asking for pictures, when a few years ago he sat and signed autographs for hours. hes faded from idol status, but ill never forget it.

the veronicas;

oh hey girls that have been an inspiration for me to sing. 12 years old. rocking in my room to them since they first became famous. my friend and i were both one of the veronicas. we'd sing along for hours. and put on shows. i never stopped loving them. its insane for me to think that i met them. a band all the way from australia. the girls i have wanted to meet for so long and it happened. if i could trade places with anyone in the music buisiness for looks wise, talent wise and wardrobe. it would be lisa and jess.

simple plan;

the reason i started the crazy idea to wait hours in line in the cold to meet someone. i dont know how the simple phase all started. i think it was a group of guys at school. i just remember i was hooked. a big package for you became my favourite movie. your songs became my favourite songs. you were my first real 'rockstars' that i met. i remember waiting 4 hours in the cold to meet you. i was more excited then you could imagine. it was a huge deal for me. i mean 13 years old, meeting your favourite band. now watching them its insane how different they were. there still amazing tho.

faber drive;

faber faber faber. oh boy. the first band i ever saw in general admission at a concert. you actually scared me i remember. and meeting you i was so nervous. and then seeing you again and again and again. 3 times. and then i was remembered by you. now the count of how many times ive seen you. is insane. i cannot begin to describe the expierences ive had with them. it would take me too long. but i still look up to all of you in so many ways. that includes you redbull, hinsley, calvin, zubin. but im looking forward to meeting jp. i already know andrew. hahah. but seriously. faber drive. love them.

these are just the IDOLS ive met. next on my list of things to do is write about who ive met. that could take me a long time though.  i cannot believe ive met all these people. im probably forgetting someone. but i mean sometimes its just too hard to believe.

the rest of my idols i still need to meet;

taylor swift

hilary duff

mary kate and ashley

miley cyrus

taylor momsen

blink 182

those are just the idols. that mean something more to me then just oh i love their band. 

one year later

and it still hurts the same. it feels like its been forever, but yet it feels like just yesterday.

i dont really wanna talk about it.

all i know is that he would be so proud of me and everything i have done in the past year.

this has made me a stronger person, yes i have my weak spots. and let me tell you there really weak. and the little things trigger that mindset to come back on.

but overall.

 im stronger now then i ever was before.

i'll always miss you

ill never forget you.

rest in peace gedo; 

although im positive you're probably the life of the party up there.

i love you. 

a few simple quotes to sum up warped tour.

"wow, you're really cute."

"come stand here!:)"

"that would look soooo hott on you"

"let me just give you a little tattoo, so you dont forget about me"

-shoots me with water gun- "come here:)"

"do you know where the hell my stage is?"

"i love your shirt by the way"

"thanks for the support sweetheart"

"just pair that with........(5 mins later of what i should wear with their merch) and it would look so good:)"

"do you like tv/tv:)?" "yes, i love you guys" "REALLY?!?!"

-eye contact. smirk. eye contact. eye contact. eye contact.- , -i have to look away, or ill melt-

"heellooooo again:)"

"you better be there, ill be watching"

"hi, im josh:)"

ajsafjsfljdskfja;sfjalskjfdsa

i miss band boys. so much.

theres more, i just cant list them all or ill actually have a fangirl moment of happiness.

you know.

i never took you off my speed dial.

i knew this wasnt the end.

:) 

ultimate rush.

you know that feeling you get when you feel like nothing is real, your legs are shaking, and you can feel your heart beating so fast? try that feeling x's 10 and maybe you'll feel how i felt meeting my idol. i dont even know why david gets me like he does. i swear that boy is an angel. lame, but seriously i cant find one flaw on him. i mean, meeting him. speaking to him. hugging him, and hearing him call us his canadian girls. and him singing o canada infront of everyone just to us. was the best thing that could ever happen. i dont even have words to describe the feeling im feeling. i dont think theres a word to describe it. or even a sentence. this is just some big ramble because i dont even know what to think. everytime i look at the picture i smile. and i will continue to do so forever. ive spent more money on him for 3 shows, then i have probably on concerts in the last like 4 months, and i go to a lot of shows. but its worth it. first show was just amazing, he laughed when i said i love you during a thousand miles. second show he grabbed my hand during crush. third show. i met him, he sang personally to us 'o canada', he pointed and sang to us during the show, and most importantly i finally got that hug from him ive been waiting for. i dont and will never fan girl for anyone else but him. like really. my life is actually now 100% complete.

nothing brings me down, when your around.

its like zero gravity. 

MMVAS 09 REVIEW

warning : this will be extremely long, and you may get tired. but its for my memories and for anyone to read. if you actually read the whole thing.

so we will got up at like 3am, got ready. left at 4am arrived at 5am. even though no one was supposed to line up before 6, there was a handful of people just "wandering" the streets for no reason. ahhaa secuirty couldnt do anything. as soon as six hit, everyone was freaking asking where the lines where. for our seats there was two lines. on on john street and one on duncan. we split up so we would be in both lines. and we were front of the line for both. either way. we were safe. they moved the john street line 3 times before we finally moved to where the right line was on duncan. and the line up there was already so big. thank god we made the decision to split up and go into both lines.

anyways, so were front of our line. right by a portapoty and a dumpster. we really loved life. it started out FREEZING cold. but ended up being absolutely hott outside. then we heard a bunch of screaming coming from the red carpet /stage area. so we walked and went to check it out. then we saw papa jonas walking across the stage. so stoked on life. i mean it was papa jonas. haha. then we went and met tim deegan. so hott. its really unfair that he is that beautiful. then 11:00 hit, thats when the jonas brothers were supposed to soundcheck. we didnt think that they would actually bring them out. but sure enough the brothers stepped on stage. and i dont think i have ever been in such madness before in my life. at the moment i was so happy i did not have pit, and that i got to be on the stage.  so we went and just watched it from outside of the crowd, and laughed at the WHOOOOLE crowd from affar. and took pictuers of the insanity of the ENTIRE crowd because it was so insane. 

anyways so then we were sitting there and saw the latency, and basically chilled with them for a little while. i love them. enough said. and then we were talking to the limo drivers and he gave us the inside scoop on where to go and what times. so we walked over to where he told us to go. and we saw garbo (L) who waved and talked to us, and the whole jonas band. we met BRITTANY (paris hiltons ex bff), she was absolutely stunning and i love her. saw classified, belly, ect. then marianas trench in their taxi! aha loved them. josh is amazing. then FERGIE FERG and the B.E.P. met all of them. basically peed my pants the entire time hahaha. then lady gaga, rushed in. and nickelback who i didnt really care for. anyways then it got really hott. and i forgot to put on sunscreen . so that whole time we were standing there the sun was beating on my body. and my shoulders are litterally as red as a tomato.  then out of no where comes AARON FRIGGIN CARTER. who all i could say when i met him, I LOVE YOU. and he goes to emily, nicole and i TELL EVERYBODY IM BACK. childhood love. 

then it was almost show time, and we went to find a plug to straighten our hair, we went to chapters and i was sitting in the middle of the floor by a plug straightening my hair. and security walks by and just stares at me. hahah and he said i wasnt allowed to be there, so i left. then we went to our friends hotel and just used the plug there. so it was all good. then we headed back to our spot and waited and waited for the line to open. oh yeah, we got out picture with PETER (L) favourite secuirty guard.  

so they let us in and walked us to the stairs. and there like k go to the top, im like thats a joke right. and there like no, go to the top cage thing. were like freaking out on them going we didnt come early to be at the back. im not going up their, thats bull shit. there like sorry, you gotta go there. so we head up there. it was so sketchy. so then emily used her acting skills to the best and pretended to hyperventalate cause she was deathly afraid of heights. security was like k fine, and were like YES. so stoked. so were dead centre, front row. basically backstage. sort of. haha.

the jonas brothers come on side stage, and were watching them get all pumped up, do the rituals and what not. and thats when joe looked me in the eyes and waved to emily and i. i never died so hard in my life. like legit eye contact. which is my favourite thing in the world. then the show started, and i cant even begin to describe how amazing it was to watch from where our seats were. it was like we were part of the band. john taylor was talking to us and goes "you have the best seats in the house" . john taylor loved us, he rocked out with us so much. new hero. 

then while the people were setting up for black eyed peas on commercials, they were playing i got a feeling. and KEVIN JONAS SANG IT WITH EMILY NICOLE AND I. like we were singing it and kevin looked over at us, smiled and starting like rocking out singing it with us, with eye contact. pure love.  then will.i.am came over to us with his black berry and was filming us on it, and was grabbing our hands. ahha i would really like to find that video. stoked on life for that moment.  anyways, the show was insane. you watched it. no big deal, garbo and i just held hands for .42 seconds. i didnt die or anything. gaaah. i love garbo more then the jonas. 

then it happened. we met the most amazing boys on the planet. i forget their names. but they are gods gift to earth. they work for the mmvas, and decided to bring us backstage. walking underneath the tunnel, he told security we were with him. and i was in heaven. his last words to us "act like your someone important and you belong here, HAVE FUN" and we never saw them again. and i was loving life. 

we walked backstage past the latency and tom from hedley, they all just looked at us like what are you doing here?:| haha their faces were priceless. loved life. then tom came over to us, and we chilled for a bit. i forgot how much i missed hedley. then we were walking around and saw nickelback, stereos and lady gaga. love them all so much aha. then we bumped into the jonhstones. funniest guys on the face of this earth. i love them so much. hahah eye contact + jarek = enough said. haha then we saw michael seater. so dorky i love him. then he was smoking. i was like derek doesnt smoke. :( i was disapointed. i mean its derek from life with derek haha. it was weird. i dont know why . then we saw shiloh and talked with her for a bit. shes like "you look like bella from twilight" thats twice ive gotten that in the past 2 weeks. so weird. :s and shes like your so tiny, haha shes the sweetest girl. love her so much haha.  taylor lautner walked by and i thought emily was going to faint, she was in awe! (L) 

then it happened.  the moment ill never forget. all of a sudden, the jonai are walking by. kevin, then joe, then nick. with about 4 security guards around them. we managed to weasel our hands in and we touched nicholas jerry jonas right forearm. it was a moment i will never forget. securirty wasnt too happy, but eh whatever. get used to it, their famous. its gonna happen. hahaha.  then we walked back over to the latency and was with them for a bit, haha.  i love them boys more then anything.

after that, we were just backstage, and then we went home cause it was after party time and everywhere was checking id, ahah.

but it was honestly the greatest day, i think ever. (L)

24 story love affair

you are the perfect distraction a girl could ask for.

you are the best secret i'll keep.

you can be my dirty little secret.

you make starbucks have a whole new meaning for me.

you'll never know i lie like the devil.

you are the most confusing boy, but i wouldnt change that.

you make me feel 100% myself when im around you.

(this has like 3 different people in here, fyi. ) 

play my music.

today i wrote a song.

for the person i miss the most.

im going to play it for him, when im finally ready to visit.

because im finally becoming able to talk about what happened. 

im on the road to healing. 

and i owe it all to him. 

when you're young, you're naive.

while watching the jon and kate + 8 episode today. someone told me the kids probably don't believe that he's just doing work stuff because there not stupid and their old enough. this episode was hard enough as it was to watch, bringing back unpleasent memories of mine.

you know, i was around 13 when my dad was on a "really long work trip". you believe it. it makes it less painful. i don't know why, but this upsets me so much, maybe cause i went through what there going through. except they have it ten times worse. and it just sucks, because when families break apart, its the worst feeling in the world.

peach, plum, pear.

what happens when you see the perfect family fall apart?

what does that do to your beliefs of a perfect family?

maybe there isn't such thing.

we're all hiding something, it takes a while before it comes out.

maybe they should of stopped when they were happy.

you are my idol.

'To me, that's always been much more 
exciting than going out and getting drunk. 

I remember at high school trying to cheer up my girlfriends who were crying in the bathroom after some party when they couldn't remember who they'd made out with the night before.  You see, I don't ever want to be that girl in the bathroom crying.'

---taylor swift

i get to meet my idol.

actually, like 100% legit.

meeting him, pre show party, acoustic live performance, and vip passes to the show.

i actually cant even believe it.

i never thought id get to meet my idol. 

let alone spend basically an afternoon with him.

i actually have no words.

june 27th, 2009. 

once upon a time

we've never lasted this long before.

i dont want to jinx it.

but i think we've finally learned.

strength.

i really hate cancer, what it does to families. and most importantly what it did to my gedo.

my gedo was the most amazing and strongest guy i knew, he could do anything, fix anything, and make me laugh in whatever situation we were in. he got mad at me sometimes, but never for long. we had a really close relationship, and im so thankful for that, because of the person he made me become. he tought me so many things i would of never known, and he pushed me to do something even when i didnt want to do it, but it would make me stronger, better, smarter. he was the definition of strength. 

in april 2008, my gedo was getting sick. he was feeling tired all the time, and just not himself. he went to the doctors, which wasn't like him at all. the doctors didnt know what was wrong. but he kept going back. he was losing weight and starting to look not like himself. but he was still the same on the inside.

on june 9th he was diagnosed with cancer. he was given 6 weeks to live. 6 weeks? i mean, that was barely 2 months. by the time he was diagnosed. the time went so fast. he was losing more and more weight everyday. wasnt eating. and looking really sick. one day we had a talk. he told me he would get through this, he told me he was going to make it to my 16th birthday, see my brother graduate grade 8, and even dance with me at my wedding day. he told me that was his dream. i wanted it fufilled more then anything.

everyday was getting worse and worse. it was so good for him to eat a slice of fruit or something in a day. it gave us hope, but we all new the truth. pretty soon he was confined to the couch, and had a nurse come in and was hooked up to the IV machine to feed him. not once did he go to a hospital. he was always in the warmth of his home. 

i visited him everyday, and days i couldn't i would feel really bad. i would put cold clothes on his feet cause that made him happy. and if it wasnt cold enough, even though he could barely talk , he would still get mad at me. in a loving way. i think about it now, and my gedo always use to call me his little peach. right from the day i was born. and during the time he was sick,  he always wanted peaches. even though he couldnt eat them. all he wanted was a peach. 

every year our family goes on vacation up to a place 6 hours from home, to Lakair Lodge. we used to camp out, but this year would be too hard. but my gedo insisted we went. he wanted to go. so we rented a cottage, had a wheechair, hospital bed, IV machine, and all his medication and supplies sent up. it was a lot of work but we did it. i'll never forget driving up, my nana and gedo driving in the truck ahead of me. and my gedo stuck his arm out the window and gave the thumbs up. the thumbs up became his way of telling us if he was good. and that made me smile so big.

the struggles we faced up there was so hard, i really dont know how we all managed. but we did it. because it was what he wanted.  on our third day there, he managed to dip his feet in the water. and went fishing. he was on the dock, in his wheelchair. he didn't catch anything. but he still was fishing. that was enough for all of us. it was an accomplishment we really didnt think would happen.

on our 5th night, it got really bad. my gedo was telling us, we need to leave. we had booked a ambulance to take him home the next morning. a doctor had come to the cottage that night and said to go home now aswell. we all knew what was coming, none of us were happy.  the doctor told us he thought at few days at least.  that night, while the adults were figuring everything out. i went to see my cousins and my brother were doing, and they were making get well cards for my gedo. so we ended up all making one for him. he did get to see them, and he gave the thumbs up and gave us all a hug.

that night we went to bed, my room was right next the living room. where my gedo's bed was, and my nana slept on that couch. i heard him in the middle of the night. it didn't sound good. so i went and woke up my mom. i then heard my mom, nana, aunt, and uncle all awake. i lied in bed.  doing nothing. just lying there. i heard everything. i'll never forget anything i heard that. im not going to talk about it. im not ready. its the hardest thing i've ever had to witness in my life. i regret and hate myself everyday for doing nothing, not getting up and saying goodbye. but everyone reassures me that it was gedo making me stay in that bed. he didnt want me seeing him like that, but im just not ready to believe that.

i think we all knew when we went to bed that night, it was the hardest thing getting up that morning. seeing police surrounding the cottage, his bed still lying there. the hearse. people in suits. i hated the police that day, they treated this like a crime scene. i wanted to push them all in the lake. they were going to put up caution tape. it was hard enough as it was. i hope they never have to endure something like that. watching the hearse drive away with my gedo in the back was the worst thing. im really grateful for everything that Lakiar Lodge did for us. we're going back up this year, to watch them put in a bench by that cottage in honor of my gedo. but we cant stay, it'll be way to hard. 

at his funeral i wore a bright turquoise dress, we played 50's music, had pictures of his life everywhere, and tried to make it as happy as possible. why? because that's who my gedo was. laughing and smiling till his very last day. we constantly gave each other thumbs up that day. to assure one another that we were okay.  ive never seen so many people in one place, his visition went over the time it was supposed to be because of the amount of people that came, people were lined down the block, the funeral service itself was packed, people were standing cause there wasn't enough room, they then had to refuse entry cause the place was so full. at the burial site cars were lined up for miles. or whatever. it was a long long long line. which makes me realize how many lives my gedo has touched. and it makes me so proud to call him my gedo.

i guess i needed to write this because im finally ready to accept this. for the longest time i denied that this happened and he was on a really looooonng vacation. i tried not to cry. but now i guess its okay. and today my whole family, cousin, aunt, uncle, and my nana were sitting there talking and all of a sudden 'stairway to heaven' started playing on her computer. how? we have absolutely no idea. but we all think it was my gedo's way of saying he is okay. and he's on his way to heaven. he made it. and now i know i can make it through too. im going to be strong. because thats what he showed me. and im never going to let him down. 

i love my best friends.

thats all.

without them id be a series of disjointed sentences strung together like glass beads in a necklace that you wear on weekends. 

theres always gonna be another mountain.

i really don't understand how one thing can make someone so happy, but bring everyone else down. does your own happiness really matter more then everyone else's. i guess yes, as long its not hurting anyone. except its hurting my emotionally. but i guess i gotta get over it. cause its not going away. its times like this which cause me to stay up till 4am crying with your best friend, and being a brat and blasting the climb at full blast while the rest of your household is sleeping, then getting up for school the next morning wishing none of that happened. i mean, is it really worth it? all the tears, drama, fighting. i doubt it. but sometimes its okay to cry.i gotta be strong though. for her. for me. we stick together. always. no matter what. all three of us. 

i never knew

i never knew that everything was falling through.

that everyone i knew was waiting on a cue.

to turn and run when all i needed was the truth.

not this time.

the truth is hiding in your eyes.

and its hanging on your tongue.

just boiling in my blood.

but you think that i cant see.

what kind of man that you are.

if you're a man at all.

but i can figure this one out. on my own. 

lyrics define my life

you may or may not be one or more of these. 

life is not a competition , if it is. you've lost the race. 

she was scared, unprepared.

lost in the dark, falling apart.

i can survive with you by my side.

with you, i'll be alright.

this is what happens when two worlds collide.

i think its pretty funny, how i thought we could be friends.

but you proved to me your unloyalty and this is where it ends. 

do you ever think, when your all alone

all that we can be. where this thing can go.

am i crazy or falling in love.

is it real or just another crush.

tell me why its so hard to forget.

dont remind me. im not over it.

tell me why. i cant seem to face the truth.

im just a little to not over you.

screwing up the best thing ever,

is something you'll regret forever.

ignore me if you see me cause i just dont give a shit.

its only me. only you. and the band.

you tell me that you need me. then you go and cut me down. but wait. you tell me that you're sorry. didnt think id turn around and say. thats its too late to apologize. its too late. i said its too late to apologize. its too late. 

im not worried bout the ring you wear.

cause as long as no one knows then no body can care. 

you're feeling guilty and im well aware

but you dont look ashamed.

and baby im not scared. 

i miss you

i miss your smile

and i still shed a tear every once in a while

and even though its different now

your still here somehow.

my heart cant let you go

and i need you to know

i miss you.

i learned from you that i do not crumble

i learned that strength is something you choose

all of the reasons to keep on believe

theres no question, thats a lesson. i learned from you. 

dun dun dun.

its starting again.

let the games begin.

pour your heart out.

i dont know where to start, what to say.

we havn't talked in a few days. it hurts a lot.

but i mean, its your fault.

i always get dragged into the middle of this war.

and all because of one simple thing that changes everything.

ive been hiding this from everyone for years.

but that night things changed, she was there with me.

like she always will be. 

now its like we both understand, we can both help eachother.

i know its not as bad for me, but it doesn't matter now.

secrets are coming out. 

i dont like secrets.

i have my own secrets, and i feel terrible constantly.

when they all sit there and remind me.

"its cause your not that girl"

i wish they would stop.

i wish you would stop. leave me alone.

grow up, and get out of my life.

because im done with you. have been for the past while. 

you betrayed me like no one has ever done before. 

especially using him as the main focus.

backstabbed, betrayed, and would lie. 

low. absolutely low. and pathetic.

but i don't think you'll ever leave me alone.

you'll always be there. you will never go away. 

because its become obsessive. 

theres a lot going on. but i try to be happy.

because there is a lot of good things happening.

but sometimes its hard.

"the suns manslaughter"

we rule in english class. A+ for us. lol. 

O polar bears, how thy like ice water

with thy whitest fur, thy relax on ice

around thy snow thy roam with thy daughters

sometimes on thy roam, thy thee snow mice.

oh shining sun, you shine thy brightest rays here.

with thy rays, you melt away their home.

thy bears look into the way water dear.

they realize thy cannot stay in thee dome

oh sun you shine so bright on water

thy polar bears cant swim that far away

you are sort of committing man slaughter

thy bears will never live to see the next day

together we can stop global warming 

so thy polar bears can live to see the next morning. 

AHAHAHAHHHHAHHAHA

by brianne & zoe.

harsh.

you are probably the most ungrateful person i have ever met.

you are probably the most pathetic person i have ever met.

you are probably the most jealous person i have ever met.

you are probably the person i will never count on again.

you honestly need to get a life and grow up.

you are probably the worst liar i have ever met.

im just so thankful for the friends i have. 

david review:)

so basically im going to skip all of what happened until we got there. 

so we get there around 4- 4:30ish. the line isnt too big. so we get in line. and the line keeps on building up. i was still really bitter about that contest to go shopping with david archuleta. so i was sitting there bashing the people that won, making fun of them and everything. and then this guy goes "what?" and im like "you know that stupid girl that won that contest to go shopping with him and pick out the outfit" and he whips out his camera and was like "you mean shopping here?" and shows me a picture of david trying on clothes in the mall.

i kinda sat there and was like "...was that you who won?" and he goes "no don't worry, i dont even know the girl that won" ahhahahha it was so funny though, anyways i heard all about how he met david, and got to sneak in and shop with him too. :( i was jealous.

then emily and i went to get our picture taken infront of the bus. and i was STOKED. then it was like 1o after 6. the line is huge. people are freezing. doors were supposed to be open at 6. everyone was yelling 'let us in' and finally they opened the doors. emily and i BOOKED it inside. we were about 4 people back on mike (david guitarists whose CANADIAN) side. ahha. 

before the show we managed to get our way up to 2nd row. people just kept moving aside for us. it was really weird. lol. there was also this creep 30 year old drunk behind emily. and he ended up getting escorted out by security. hahah. then lesley roy went on. she was actually really good. during the one song emily and i were the only ones joining on her 'NANANANA's' and like everyone in the crowd was looking at us. ahahh we were like rocking out. and her whole band (who was gorgeous) like smiled at us. the crowd was so dead. like they were absolutely still. we had the most annoying obnoxious 12 year olds in front of us. ahhaha oh my god. they were so annoying. 

then DAVID came on ! i basically had a heart attack. and like cried.  no joke. like seriously thinking about the opening right now is giving me chills. i dont really think anyone understands that this boy is my idol. he sang touch my hand first. my favourite song in the entire world besides crush and zero gravity.  anyways. we were yelling to mike that we were from canada and he smiled so big cause hes canadian and canadians rule. hahah after touch my hand i basically took out the 12 year olds and we were at the baracade. i felt bad for a second cause they were really young and small but i mean i needed front. so whatever. 

im not even kidding you, he did amazing the whole time. i swear he looked at me. and during touch my hand my mom was watching the video and was like you know he was singing right to your camera. im like :| dont say that or im gonna have a heart attack. but it does look like he is. i freaked. its my new favourite video. besides crush ;)  he sang barriers, a little too not over you, SOMEBODY OUT THERE (L) , my hands (his dance moves were adorable) , works for me. and then came the medley.

oh geez.

one- u2.

gotta be more. (idk whose that by)

LOVE SONG (L) - sara barrielles or w.e 

IM YOUUUURSSSSS (L)(L)- jason mraz. 

then he sang to be with you, dont let go, ZERO GRAVITY (L) (L) , you can.

and then came crush. david hadn't touched anybodys hands since touch my hand. and i was so happy cause i love this song, and then i was also sad cause it was the last one before the encores. anyways. david is on the other side of the stage by the piano. and its nearing the end of the song, getting to my favourite part where he repeats what he says and he looks over and litterally sprints to emily and i. stands right in front of us. sings to my camera and like holds his heart then reaches his hand out and grabs my hand ! (L) and emilys too :) :) so we were like holding onto davids hand together.  it was the most amazing thing of life. i freaked out. i collapsed into emilys arms and started to cry so hard. it was my goal to touch his hand and i fufilled it.

then he did the encore and sang a thousand miles and angels. it was fantastic and breath taking. gah. so it was over. and i taped emilys and i new best friend fergason the security guard and i asked him to get me davids water bottle. and hes like okay in a minute. and he goes on stage, like picks up the water bottle and walks backstage . im like thanks buddy? anyways. some other guy that works for david was on stage and i asked for a set list. and all these little 12 years tried to get it and the guy on stage walks over grabs my hand and places the set list in my hand. i was like I LOVE you. then we went over and met Kendra ; davids keyboardist. shes so gorgeous.  :) i went and got a david shirt after which i realized says crush on it. it was like fate <3.

so then were chilling beside the bus, get some inside scoop that david has not boarded the bus yet. so we were waiting. and then fergason was like "remember what you asked me earlier?" i was like NO WAY ! and he pulls out the water bottle. i flipped ! #@$@#$@ (L) 

so were still like chilling by the bus waiting, and this security comes and taps on our window and goes you need to leave and started being so rude . it was so funny. we got in a fight. then were like were not leaving ahhaha. cause there was like 5 other cars waiting like us. so then this other security comes and tells us to get out. so we drove to the back of the parking lot and hid behind this SUV (who was also stalking out david ha) then theres still a few cars left all with the same idea in mind of waiting for david. and then like all these security come out and it was like a chase! AHHAHA all these cars were like trying to find a way out and we all went into panic mode. i was laughing so hard.  then like we went into this parking lot right beside the club, so we could still see the bus. but it wasn't their property. and then fergason walks over like peeing himself laughing cause he knows its us, and he knows what were doing. and hes like "im really sorry but you really have to leave" and we were talking to him for a bit about how its not davids idea to kick everyone out, and he was telling us stories about david almost getting attacked by a bunch of girls cause he doesn't realize he's like "david archuleta" and fergason saved him. lol anyways. he said they wont let david out of the building unless all the cars are gone. so were like k. then we left.

all in all it was aboslutely the most fantastic day of my life. (L)(L)(L)(L)(L)

to fly.

im just a girl

with a dream that got the best of me

in a world

that believes fame is everything

got out of touch

with the ones who gave me my wings to fly.

its so easy to forget what really matters in this life

its so hard to live with regrets but i promise i will try

to be a better me

from now on

im sorry, i didnt mean to do you wrong.

im just a girl

with a dream that got the best of me.

gets harder every day.

i swear sometimes you're watching over me.

still, i'd give the world for the chance just to see your face again.

and i still pretend you're still here.

standing by, telling me wrong from right.

i never got the chance to say goodbye. i regret it every single day.

its hard to explain to someone who has never been there.

they don't understand, and they never will.

it does this, messes with your mind.

they tell me you're in a better place, but where did you go?

if you're not living on the edge

your taking up too much room.

what we have here is a dreamer, someone completely out of touch with reality. When she jumped, she probably thought she could fly. 

its all about the climb.

"Life is unpredictable. Nothing is written in stone. I've told you about myself, but I can't really say who i'll be. There's no right or wrong, success or failure. I don't look at things as black or white. My life won't be a series of either/ors- musician or actor, rock or country, straitlaced or rebellious, this or that, yes or no. The real choices in life aren't that simple. I think of it more like a story that keeps moving forward, with plain old days and then surprises that turn everything upside down. I don't set limits for myself. I want to be the best I can be. I want to dream big, but dreams change.

What I want, who I want to be, how I want to spend my time- keeping these questions open is good. It's life. I'm living every day of my life. When you think like that- and when you're only sixteen- then you're living a story that has chapter after chapter of blank pages ahead."

i want to walk in the snow and leave no footprints.

nothing.

nothing is wrong.

and asking is against the rules. 

crying is against the rules.

you're strong. 

dont them they break you.

they're trying to destroy you. 

hate is such a weak emotion.

but im weak. 

im pretty forgiving. give out second chances easily.

but to you, you blew it. forever.

i dont care that we havnt spoken in a while.

we were best friends.

you dont do that. i actually cant believe you.

of all guys , you choose him.

dont play dumb and say you didnt know.

people arent blind. people knew. 

you blew it too many times. 

starting my once in a life time oppertunity. that you stole from me. 

betraying me, and spreading lies.

using me, for all concert purposes. and all the perks that came along.

and now this. 

your done, dont ever ask for anything ever again. 

your nothing at all

its 2am and im cursing your name

i miss everything about it. i miss everything about you. i miss the way everyone loved you. i miss the way you always made me smile. i miss the way i would never get sleep. i miss the way i was happy. i miss the way you were always there. i miss the way everyone thought it was something. i dont miss the way you played me. i dont miss the way you made me cry. i dont miss the way you lead me on. i dont miss the way you used me. i dont miss the way you forgot. i dont miss the way you blamed me. i dont miss the way you went back to her. but the fact is, i would let you play me again, make me cry, lead me on, use me, blame me. just to go back to the things i missed.

its only just another saturday

thats all it is.

desperate

im tired of always trying so hard.

for everything. everyone.

when i get nothing in return.

define rockstar.

Rockstar;

noun

A person, male or female, devoted to a life of rocking.

Rockstar;

noun

Someone who can stay up and party all night long and wake up and take care of business in the morning.

Rockstar;

noun

Someone who doesn't follow rules, they make their own.

my arms get cold in february air

please dont lose hold of me. out there. 

back to the place where the night never ends

i cant get over it.

i'll never get over it.

i wont forget it.

i'll never regret it.

i dont believe it.

i know it happened.

i wanna go back.

i wanna go back forever.

its been a week. today.

i want it to be right now.

gahhhh.

montreal was perfect.

he was perfect.

the whole night was perfect.

everything worked out perfectly.

i dont really understand how these things happen. but they just do. i couldnt of asked for anything better then this weekend. we didn't except anything would happen. but it turns out EVERYTHING hapened. it was perfect.

im going to miss them so much.

watch and i will make it happen.

we always dream big.

always have these adventures planned out.

always want to go on huge roadtrips.

and guess what.

now ones finally coming true.

i cant believe we made this happened.

what started out as some hopeless dream we laughed about.

is happening.

and ill try to brave.

for you.

she had bigger plans.

i know he's not worth it. but i dont think ill ever believe it.

i know it will be the best thing. but im kinda scared.

i know i should be studying. but i cant concentrate.

i know he's gone. but i always hope that he will come back.

i know he's older. but i secretly dont care.

i know its just cause she cares. but sometimes i cant take it.

i know she means it. but im constantly doubting it.

i know its forever. but im afraid.

the other side.

you always complain, about being the one that gets hurt.

you say you're always the one with the heartache.

you talk about what they all have done wrong to you.

but do you hear yourself talk?

what you hated happening to you.

your doing to me.

and i dont think you realize. i dont think your sorry.

you put me through hell, and you know it.

which is why you cant talk to me like you use to.

in fact. you cant talk to me at all anymore...

i never thought it would be you

to tear my god damned heart into two.

if theres nothing i cant say.

to make you stay with me.

so dont forget to lose my number. nothing matters.

you played a game. the game was me. 

i didn't know you were playing.

you had the game all figured out.

you knew the things to say.

you knew the things to do.

so congratulations, you won.

i dont want to play anymore.

we take dedication to a new level

when you love a band too much, sometimes you do crazy things.

like take a 6 & 1/2 hour train ride to another province. 

for their very last show.

waste all your money on a trip that will be less then 24 hours.

some may say were stupid, have no life, why are you doing that.

my answer; cause these boys are worth it. 

its gonna be the best trip ive ever taken. with all my favourite people.

13 days and counting.

Get ready montreal; here we come.

im just a silly little girl

who falls for stupid boys.

now im not so sure.

this is the story of my life right now.

say your sorry

that face of an angel comes out

just when you need it to

as i pace back and forth all this time

cause i honestly believe in you

holding on

the days drag on.

stupid girl, i should of known.

that i'm not a princess

this aint a fairy tale

im not the one you'll sweep off her feet

lead her p the stairwell

this aint hollywood, this is a smalltown.

i was a dreamer before you went and let me down

now its too late for you and your white horse to come around.

im not a princess

this aint a fairy tale.

it really isn't. i shouldn't of done that. but its not my fault. i liked you. it wasn't my mistake. even though i should of known. i wont let you make me think its my fault. it got really bad. you made it better. maybe your white horse was coming around.  that took courage. i would never do that. the apology was sincere. you told you meant it from the bottom of your heart. i believe you.  this time. dont screw it up. i dont know what were are. i dont know where we stand. but did i ever. no. not really. its just one big mess of confusion. ive done things i probably shouldn't of done. but im not putting the blame on myself.

I'm not going to let you make me crazy. I'm not going to let this make me crazy. I am not crazy

remember what you're worth.

this is why i dont trust people. i tell you one thing, you do the opposite.

you used me up, and cut me down. 

its actually surprising, cause i thought you were different.

but your just like everyone else.

so much for my fresh start, a new beginning.

and to answer your first question, my answer is yes. 

i regret everything

its a new year

which means a new start.

which means new memories.

which means a new beginning.

which means forgetting drama.

which means making the best of the year.