theres alot i needed to say.

but i wont say it.

ill most likely see something similar to this in about 2 days. 

when you assume somethings about you

its cause deep down theres a little truth to the assumption.

tomorrow

its december. 25 days till christmas. going to be the most hardest christmas of my life.

apparently it only gets harder too.

happy holidays?

tell me why.

___ looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I need everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

___ talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night


He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

___ walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

___ looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see. 

what if

what if everyone knew your name.

what if you broke all the rules.

what if everyone was doing it.

what if all the rumours were true.

what if the past came back to haunt you.

im not happy.

but these things make me better.

[Not in any speci​fic order​]​

1. emily dietrich 
2. david faber
3. jacob hoggard
4. calvin lechner
5. dave rosin
6. zubin thakkar
7. tommy mac
8. chris crippin
9. jeremy liddle
10. team yellow
11. concerts
12. music
13. zoe ryckman.​
14. rockstars
15. being vip
16. singing
17. being on stage 
18. being on stage with your favourite band
19. faber drive
20. hedley 
21. acting
22. going backstage
23. always front row
24. LOUD music
25. david archuleta
26. private acoustic shows
27. anything acoustic
28. my guitar
29. my family
29. jakes blog
30. my ipod
31. writing
32. going into rockstars trailers
33. following bands
34. bands knowing you on a personal level
35. when bands know my name
36. car rides with your favorites 
37.  family time
38. dane cook
39. marianas trench
40. shout outs on stage
41. doing "just about everything with the band" 
42. try this at home
43. screaming really loud
44. looking like "a movie star"
45. seeing a band "probably one of the most times anyone has ever seen us"
46. christmas
47. vacations
48. movie marathons
49. being "just a little more fantastic"
50. pictures. taking them. or being in them
51. crying. 
52. my macbook
53. my cousins
54. buying all fd merch "dont you own just about everything"
55. much music
56. waiting in long lines
57. the weather when its warm with a cool breeze
58. toronto
59. "setting up " matte babel
60. ellen degeneres or however you spell it
61. winning contests
62. going to cd release parties
63. meeting my all time favourite celebrities
64. bumping into degrassi stars
65. photoshoots
66. dropping out of school "just kidding"
67. making youtube videos
68. being a seat filler
69. being in music videos
70. miley cyrus
71. hugs&kisses "you can kiss me instead"
72. snowdays
73. getting paid
74. shopping sprees
75. hanging out with bands
76. fire alarms
77. having dinner with rockstars
78. rockstars guitar picks
79. the shake tramp dance
80. dancing in the rain
81. my kitten
82. the days we go crazy
83. the nights wild and hazy
84. reality tv
85. cute acoustic love songs
86. skinny jeans
87. forgetting everything
88. letting go of all my worries
89. dancing
90. when the whole crowd sings a song at a concert
91. australia
92. accents 
93. finding teddy bears for free pictures
94. waterloo
95. tattoos 
96. piercing 
97. sunrise & sunset
98. phonecalls 
99. birthdays 
100. i dare you to be number 100.

one two three four...

what i said to you. was private. 

when i vent about friends. its meant just for you.

when i tell you my secrets. there not meant to be shared. 

when your my best friend. dont turn around and stab me in the back.

its funny. she means more to me then you ever did.

you probably dont even realize this is about you.

learn the meaning of friendship.

and maybe then. ill think about forgiving you. 

maybe.

and people wonder why i have trust issues.

thank you for being another example on my list.

ignore me if you see cause i just dont give a shit.

your so whatever.

theres really nothing left for me to do. or say.

its all up to you. if you want this. make it work.

im not going to buy your lies.

im not going to be left out in the dark.

im not going to choose.

im not going through this again.

the two of us made a promise. and we kept it. 

if that bothers you so much.

then i dont know anymore.

hey, there you are remember me?

2010. 2 years. 410 days. at the earliest. its going to be a while.a long while. longest wait ive had to do. hope you have fun over seas. where people dont know your name. im bitter. im selfish when it comes to them. i dont care. i dont like sharing them. at all.  i wish they could be ours all the time. but that cant happen.  i guess i could be like there "best fans". quit my job, leave my family, use all the money i have to travel around to see them. fight kids just so you can get front row. even though they've seen you a million times. does that really make them the best? shouldn't the best fan be about the people that support them with all they can. the ones that try and make it out to every show thats actually logical. im sorry i dont have the money to buy tickets to every show you play. im sorry i have a job that sometimes prevents me from comming to your shows. im sorry im in school so sometimes i cant be out in line at 8am. im sorry im not old enough to be your mom. im sorry i dont spend my whole life trying to find out every little thing about you including your bike lock code. im sorry that i have a life outside of you. im sorry i dont measure up to your standards of the best fan. but the funny thing is im NOT sorry. im embarassed for the ones you consider the best. so have fun. see in 2010. that is if your not selling 80$ a ticket in the ACC.

what if you never let me down? 

one hundred.

this is my 100th post. 

im the type of person that if you say something. i need you to mean it. call me a friend. prove it. say that you care about me. show me. want me to stay. need me. i need reassuring every once in a while. thats who i am. thats who ill always be. ill never change. not for you. not for anyone. ill only change for me. people throw words around. but they dont ever mean it. they sit there and give me all this crap. and dont prove it. im not gonna sit around and wait forever. i cant wait forever.  i found one person that really knows the meaning of the term friend. not just a friend. a best friend. and that means everything to me.  everyone else. they dont know. they dont know at all.

its amazing

what you can hide just by putting on a smile.

ive learned to keep my mouth shut. because all it does is make me end up alone.

"i could cry until my body wasted away. a million years could pass. and you'd find me sitting on the sidewalk staring at the sky, my eyelids fighting the raindrops with romantic disregard. some things you can't explain. like the urge to disappear. you feel it when you've lost all other reasons to write a letter. " jwh. 

i dont know where to turn.

ive been stuck in this routine

i need to change my ways

instead of always being weak.

falling faster.

barely breathing...tell me its not all in my head

living her life on her own.

i feel like im losing the one thing ive always wanted. 

maybe some people arent meant to have one.

you think you know

but you have no idea. 

take me back. take me back. take me back. 4 shows this tour. then one more. and its all over. at least its gonna go out with a bang. it already has been. each time just keeps getting better. it never gets old. it never gets boring. the same show. but a whole new memory. every time. its ending again. i hate it. it will be a while before it starts up. i wont just have one night to remember. ill have five. on this tour alone that is.

and. its sad. it really is sad. 

do you know what its like.

to feel so in the dark? 

get me out of this place. as fast as possible. kthnx. 

i get bored really easily.

so here. third times a charm.

http://briannexo.skyrock.com/

:)

only me. only you. and the band.

cant let the music stop.

cant let this feeling end.

cause if i do it will all be over.

ill never see you again.

can i re-live the last 2 weeks of september? please. 

cause we have to.

let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go.let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go.let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go.let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go.let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go.let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go.let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. let it go. 

this has gone on way much longer then it should of. we've all said everything we have needed to say. its the matter of getting it, and not getting it. ive done all i can do to make you understand. but right now. this whole thing is just tiring and draining. let it go. 

its all that i can say

i dont know. i just dont know. i never know when im doing something right. to me it feels like im doing the right thing. but to other people its like its like im doing something so wrong. you dont know what its like. you never knew what went on behind closed doors. but me i knew everything. when i make a promise saying ill always be there for you and mean it. ill prove it. i dont go back on my word. she needed me, and i was there. looking back, she was more of a friend to me then you two ever were. ive said that before. but its true. she never intentionally hurt me when she called me her best friend. sure it was bad when we werent friends. but people change, promises are broken. we move on , let things go. friendships arent supposed to be hard work. but its how we'll always be. ive accepted that. this time im stronger. my guards up higher. and you know. if you cant accept that. maybe your the one causing me the most pain, not her. you. 

im done trying to convince people that theyve done wrong when they ask. and it never getting through their head. i can say it every day. in person, over the phone, over email. they wont get it. probably never will. i cant change them. im not asking for them to change. im asking for improvment if they still want me around. if that doesnt happen. i cant keep putting myself through that. its draining, and its annoying. things are better. a lot better. it just wasnt the same anymore with you. i miss the old you. not the one you became. we'll never know what happened. but the past is in the past. this is what it is now. sure it sucks. but we all gotta move on.  we've moved apart.  we have to let things go. 

im just so happy i finally found a friend. best friend. that knows the meaning of friendship. a year ago friday. (halloween) is when it all began. our story is only just beginning and we've already got memories that will last a life time. just like our friendship. best friends forever. and we mean it.